I've had plenty of people question my faith in God, where it came from, why I believe, and what has been the driving force behind the changes in my life. So I decided it's not only time to give them an answer, but also my friends who are believers that are skeptical of me. It's not fake or a facade anymore. It's not to impress anyone. This is real. This is a testimony. My testimony.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and staff, they comfort me." PSALM 23:4
Not many people know that when I was born, I was three months premature. I was brought into this world by C-Section, weighed three pounds, battled pneumonia, bronchitis, and a collapsed lung in the first months of my young life. Many babies born in my condition would have died. The grandmother of one of my friends called me a "miracle" some years ago. At the time I didn't know what it meant, but that always stuck with me. When I found my faith again, I finally understand what she meant. God saved me for a reason. I could have very well died when I was born, but I lived to find my higher purpose. But throughout my tumultuous life I ignored that, and it took another awakening to remind me that I should be seeking to find Jesus and why I am really here. A couple years ago, I was involved in a car accident that could have been tragic, luckily no serious injuries occurred. Looking at the circumstances, it's almost amazing. The car I was in flipped across the road at 55 miler per hour. I was ejected out the back window and thrown more than 50 feet. I landed on my feet with barely a scratch and not one serious injury. If that replays ten times, nine out of ten something much worse happens to me. Once again, I was spared from death or serious injury. I could have been, and maybe should have been dead, twice. That's enough to know that Jesus has something special planned for me.
"Now the spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and a harmful spirit tormented him." 1 SAMUEL 16:14
I've had my share of dark days, but I doubt those who knows me are aware of this. I'm pretty good at smiling when I'm dying on the inside. There was a time about four or five years ago when I had so many questions. God was always in the back of my mind, but I was looking for reasons to not believe. I saw how bad the world can be, and thought "there can't possibly be a God." One night, I was alone at my apartment, and these thoughts of doubt were flooding my mind, even though I didn't want them to. I felt literally tormented, like there was a realm of despair I fell into without knowing it. As I was falling asleep, I felt a dreadful, almost evil presence. I tried to ignore it and closed my eyes. It was then the presence felt like it was right over me, suppressing me. I tried to yell, nothing came out. I tried to fight, I could barely move. In my mind I asked God to make this presence and feeling to go away. It stopped immediately thanks to Jesus' intervention. People will say I freaked myself out being alone, but that's not the truth. I know what I felt and experienced. I know that my serious doubts and cynicism about God allowed these negative spirits to invade my mind. There's a spiritual world and realm out there, and that was revealed to me even though it was a horrible experience. God was showing himself, slowly but surely.
"Naked I came out of my mother's womb, and naked I shall return; The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away." JOB 1:21
August of last year to March of this year may have been one of the most difficult times in my life, because I had to face my own demons and look in the mirror, rather than blaming anyone and anything else for what had occurred. God put a very special girl in my life, and requested of me one thing. That I learn to resist temptation, and put Him first in the relationship I thought I was pursuing with this girl. I looked at her being my spiritual mentor, as she helped me and taught me along my walk towards regaining faith. Ultimately, our physical temptations got the best of me, I failed to put God first in our relationship. Not to mention, I wasn't making permanent changes for her like I said I would, I was adapting to situations, but I was not changing. God saw right through my weak faith and fake attempts to fool her into thinking I was someone I wasn't. God took her out of my life for this very reason. Immediately afterwards, I almost fell back into my old ways of life, because I just wanted to forget the hurt. Then I sat and thought one night, that this is a test. Jesus wanted to know that I could come to Him on my own, without having a girl to impress. He wanted to know that I could pick myself up and gain real faith in Him. I wrestled with these thoughts for months, until one day I decided I would go back to God before I would walk right back down the wrong path. I asked Jesus to once again come into my heart and spirit and show me which way to go, I felt relieved. It's not mass hysteria. God gave her to me, and then took her away so I would learn a real lesson of faith and trust in Jesus. Once I accepted this cross to carry, we have become friends again, my faith is strong, I am telling people about Jesus, and I just feel an authentic change in my being. None of which happened until I asked Jesus to come back into my heart and guide me.
"Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17
I know many people hear of the changes Jesus makes in the spirit of a person, and call it psychological. I am here to say that is not true. I tried many times to change things I was doing when I didn't have Jesus in my heart, and I failed miserably. I tried faking faith for too long, and decided it's time to get real with it. It took me to this very moment in my life to come full circle, realize the lessons God was slowly teaching me, and actually take a step to make permanent life changes. It's happening faster than I can even keep up with. My urges for the old habits and things I was doing are fading. This doesn't mean I will disown any of my friends, as a matter of fact it's my mission to bring Jesus to them. I am here to say, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jesus is real, His spirit is in us, and once you ask Him into your heart you'll feel an undeniable change. But, as I learned the hard way, you also have to pursue and live in that spirit before your eyes can be revealed to the greatness of it.
This is my testimony why I believe in Jesus Christ, welcomed His spirit into my heart, and took Him as my Lord and Savior. I will never push my beliefs upon anybody, but please respect them as you yourself would want respect. Thank you.
